The Dare Game
by Loreille
Summary: Finally its back! Its Link's turn to do a dare, but with his tendancy to get drunk and his perpetual desire to rip Ganondorf to shreds this ain't gonna be easy...
1. Default Chapter

-The Dare Game –  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda or any of the characters (except me...or do one of my bishies own me? O_o)  
  
By the way it's stupid. Its insane humour for crying out loud!!! Well please r&r at the end and tell me what you thought! There's quite a lot of swearing in this chapter and it's randomly all over the place so yeah...thought I might just tell you guys that.  
  
Okay I'll shut up now.  
  
********** It all started with your average game of strip poker....  
  
Loreille: Go fish.  
  
Gannondorf: * looks at his cards* shoot.  
  
Link: * takes swig of beer* I can beat * hic* all of ya!  
  
Gannondorf: shut up Link.  
  
Link: Why the hell * hic* should I!? You know, I wanted * hic* to do other things than run around in a dress all day and fight freakin ugly * hic* monsters and save Zelda from some insane red haired guy!!!  
  
Gannondorf: ¬¬ ....  
  
Link: I wanted to be an artist and write poetry! * hic* But to hell with that idea! *Takes another swig of beer *  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ Poetry? ...You?  
  
Link: * takes yet another swig* ohhhhh... fuck it!  
  
Loreille: Oh thanks a lot Link! Now I have to boost the rating up for this fanfic!  
  
Link: oh who gives a shit?! You're all fucking assholes!  
  
Gannondorf: Link-  
  
Link: * hic* what the hell do you want?! * Points at Gannondorf* you jerk! If it hadn't been for you and that stuck up bitch of a princess I wouldn't have gotten that ficken cretin horse of mine, gotten engaged to that naked fish girl and-  
  
Gannondorf: LINK!  
  
Link: oh shut up you evil bastard! Your piano music was shit anyway!  
  
Gannondorf: # * elbows Link in the head* * takes a deep breath* AS I WAS SAYING ...  
  
Link: * takes out sword* Oh will you shut the hell up?! You're so freakin annoying!!  
  
Gannondorf: * looks at sword* you could put someone's eye out with that.  
  
Link: uh...* hic* that's the plan.  
  
Loreille: * claps hands together* I know! Lets dare each other to do stuff! And you HAVE to do whatever you were dared with!  
  
Link: I'll fucking start then!!!  
  
Loreille: very well.  
  
Link: Gannondorf –  
  
Gannondorf: oh THAT wasn't predictable....  
  
Link: Shut the hell up!! * hic* You've got to dress up like a chicken then present your evil butt to the King of Hyrule * hic* and Zelda.  
  
Gannondorf: like...a chicken?  
  
Loreille: yeah, you know, those things that lay eggs and cluck.  
  
Gannondorf: I KNOW VERY WELL WHAT A CHICKEN IS THANK YOU!!!  
  
Link: yeah, and * hic* you've got to be pretending to advertise Lon Lon Ranch * hic*  
  
Gannondorf: the place...that smells like cowpat?  
  
Loreille: * giggles* here's your outfit Gannonduck!  
  
Gannondorf: * snatches it* I hate dares.... and farm animals.  
  
Link: * Glugs down another bottle of liquor* I don't give a rats ass what you hate!! Why am I here?? In fact...who am I??  
  
Loreille: looks like you've had a little too much to drink Link, now give me the alcohol...* starts pulling bottle away from him*  
  
Link: * grasps onto alcohol for dear life* fuck off whoever you are!! It's my bloody drink! I'll do what I want!  
  
Gannondorf: Man he becomes REALLY different when he's had a beer or two... Wait- he doesn't remember anything? * Evil smile*  
  
Loreille: * starts pushing Gannondorf to Hyrule castle* Oh...just go do your freakin dare!!!  
  
~ In Hyrule Castle~  
  
Gannondorf: uh...how the hell did we get in Loreille?  
  
Loreille: urm... this is a script. Don't concern yourself with the minor details.  
  
Gannondorf: this chicken suit is pinching...  
  
Loreille: I did not need to know that!  
  
Link: Hey! Look! It's the princess * hic* * starts waving* OVER HERE!! * Regains his memory*  
  
Gannondorf: * slaps his head* darn.  
  
Zelda: link...? You... okay? * Whispers to her dad* I thought we had guards in this castle to stop riff- raff from coming in.  
  
King: I'll fire them.  
  
Link: * stands still for a minuet* * makes weirdo face* WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!  
  
Gannondorf: YES! * Smiles*  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ go do your dare. * Pushes Gannondorf out in front of Zelda and her father*  
  
Zelda and King: * speechless*  
  
Gannondorf: * sighs* come to Lon Lon ranch...the horses are force-fed, the cuckoos wet the bed, the cows shag trees...* starts flapping chicken wings* so come to Lon Lon ranch.... * runs off behind wall*  
  
Zelda: * makes funny face* Ha Ha Ha! Oh gracious! Daddy you got a court jester! How amusing! ^-^  
  
King: * holds forehead* * starts mumbling* and I thought that he was respectable....  
  
Gannondorf: * starts strangling Link* I HATE YOU!!  
  
Loreille: * puts hand on Gannondorf's shoulder*don't worry Ganny. I won't laugh.  
  
Gannondorf: really? You're the only decent person here.  
  
Loreille: yeah of course I won't laugh... * makes little laughing noise* hee hee...hee HA HA HA HA! YOU LOOKED LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT!! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU FLAPPED YOUR WINGS!!  
  
Gannondorf: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE'NT GOING TO LAUGH!!!  
  
Loreille: I lied.  
  
Link: ohhh! I know this place!!!!! * takes swig of wine* ......WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!  
  
Loreille: *snatches drink away from him * quit it with the drinks!!!!  
  
~ Outside Hyrule Castle ~  
  
Gannondorf: * now with chicken outfit off* I'm so happy only four people saw that humiliating act.  
  
Loreille: * stands on rock* * with megaphone* HEY EVERYONE! I HAVE PICTURES OF GANNONDORF DRESSED LIKE A DUCK! BUY TEN COPIES FOR ONLY TWENTY RUPEES!!  
  
Gannondorf: NOW YOUR MAKING MONEY OFF OF ME!?  
  
Loreille: yes! -^-^-  
  
Gannondorf: ¬¬ give me any left over change.  
  
********** ~ Chapter 1 end ~  
  
What will the next dare be? And will Link be sober by next chapter? Something tells me it's going to involve great stupidity...  
  
Please review! Nothing too mean though. I'm sensitive * sniffle* 


	2. Good luck ye Link!

-Chapter 2- Good luck ye Link!  
  
Hello again to all the people who where nice enough to read my story!! I would have even continued this if I didn't get those few extra reviews! So keep them coming if you ever want to see any more of this story!!  
  
Where we left off...Ganondorf was dressed up like a diseased slab of poultry, and Link is stuck in a permanent drunken state. As for me? I shall of course stay as cynical as ever...  
  
Oh yeah the disclaimer almost forgot about that....  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda or any of the characters  
  
There, that should keep the Nintendo FBI happy. And so we continue....  
  
Loreille, Link and Ganondorf: (sitting around a random fire in a random part of Hyrule field) [Gotta love that grass!]  
  
Loreille: Its so convenient they have fires out here.  
  
Ganondorf: ¬¬ That's only because Link set the liquor alight...  
  
Link: Asshole! Care to say that again?!  
  
Ganondorf: But...you did...(sweatdrop)  
  
Link: All right you son of a bitch! I'm gonna slaughter you!!!  
  
Ganondorf: ¬¬ what? There is no reason for YOU to want to- (thinks back to all the evil acts he's ever done) well...not today anyway...  
  
Link: All right, that's it!! (Starts trying to punch Ganondorf)  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ fools (whips out guitar) This seems like the perfect time for a corny camp fire song...(starts stringing every string on the guitar) Kumbya my lord, Kumby-  
  
Ganondorf: (falls on top of guitar) Bastard!!  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ you broke my instrument.  
  
Ganondorf: (looks at the deformed guitar) why, so I did.  
  
Loreille: The price for destroying one of my objects is death.  
  
Ganondorf: (sweatdrop) could you lower the price an insy bit...?  
  
Link: (randomly runs around in circles) AIIIYYEEE!!  
  
Loreille: ...are you feeling okay Link...?  
  
Link: (Runs into lon lon ranch) CUCCOS!  
  
Ganondorf: And they say I'M the insane one...geez...clueless people...  
  
Loreille: (Hits Ganondorf over the head with the sick looking banjo) Its Link's turn to do a dare!! Follow him Ganny!!!  
  
Ganondorf: (Tightens fist) I really wish you'd stop calling me that...  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ (holds out his recently worn chicken costume)  
  
Ganondorf: Oo eeee...I'm going...  
  
- In lon lon ranch  
  
Loreille: Psst, what do you think we should do for the drunkard Ganny??  
  
Ganondorf: Destroy him!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA -!  
  
Loreille: ¬¬  
  
Ganondorf: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA –  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ (looks at watch)  
  
Ganondorf: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA –  
  
Loreille: (smacks him round the head with a wine bottle) [courtesy of Link] SHADDUP!!!!  
  
Ganondorf: (rubs head in pain little glass shards are stuck in his hair) hmmm...I think...Link should...WEAR YOUR UNDERGARMENTS!!  
  
Loreille: (smacks him again – this time with a wide screen TV set) [Don't ask how it got to Hyrule] PERVERT!!  
  
Ganondorf: (Rubs head trying to remove glass) Shut up woman!! Are you trying to give me a concussion!?  
  
Loreille: Why, yes.  
  
Ganondorf: Grrrrrr...(makes overly dramatic angry gestures)  
  
Link: HEY! Bitch, bastard!! Hurry up!! (hic) (Looks out to Epona) [His visions blurred] OOOO!! PONY!!  
  
Epona: ¬¬ neigh...  
  
Ganondorf: Oh! I got it!! (smacks fist in his hand, then realises he has the Triforce of power so it hurt like hell) owwie...my hand...(Currently has paralysed hand)  
  
Loreille: (looks at Ganondorf) ¬¬ were you gonna say something?  
  
Ganondorf: (Trying to move hand) uh...um...yeah...I just had a great idea!!!  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ Please share.  
  
Ganondorf: ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP LINK!!!  
  
Link: (Glomping Epona) YAY! HORSEY!  
  
Epona: ¬¬ (sweatdrop) N-neigh...(scared)  
  
Link: (looks at Ganondorf evilly) What do you want you filthy, shitty, fucking son of a-  
  
Loreille: (Throws her scanner at Link to shut him up)  
  
Ganondorf: Thank you.  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ get on with it...  
  
Ganondorf: hec hem...Link! Your dare is to wear one of Loreille's bikinis, ride Epona to Hyrule castle, and then propose to princess Zelda!!!  
  
Link: W-wha!?  
  
Loreille: (stomps up to Ganondorf angrily) WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BEING A PERVERT, PERVERT!  
  
Ganondorf: (sudden look) Gimme your bikini.  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ not if you were the last bastard in Hyrule.  
  
Ganondorf: But I need my revenge!! (Whines)  
  
Loreille: Well, get your own stinking revenge without the help of my skimpy lil swim-  
  
Ganondorf: (knocks her out then rummages through her bag) ....AH HA!! (pulls out bikini) (Der ner Ner NER!!)  
  
Link: HEY! That's MY stupid finding items music!!  
  
Loreille: (currently out of it)  
  
Link: W- wait... propose...?  
  
Ganondorf: (hands him bikini) put this on.  
  
Link: What the fuck will I get if I do!?  
  
Ganondorf: 10 rupees.  
  
Link: (strips off tunic and puts bikini on)  
  
Ganondorf: (evil smug) stupid gold hungry, freakin peasant...huh? (Looks behind him) AHHH!!!  
  
Loreille: (holds knife to Ganondorf's neck) ¬¬ I should warn you...looking through my personal belongings is not an option...  
  
Ganondorf: ¬¬ (gets out her bag)(takes out framed picture of Ramirez from Skies of Arcadia) ohhhhh...what's this?  
  
[Oh yeah I don't own Skies of Arcadia or any of their characters either. Who would've thought?]  
  
Loreille: (Blushes)GIVE THAT BACK YOU SICK PERVERT!!!!  
  
Ganondorf and Loreille: (Start running around in circles, Ganondorf waving the picture in the air while Loreille shouts death threats at him)  
  
Link: Oh to hell with you two (hic) (climbs on Epona)  
  
Epona: OO NEIGH!! (Scared by what Link is wearing) [Epona's turning into a bit of a coward eh?]  
  
Link: Onward stallion!! Tally ho, and all that crap...  
  
Epona: (falls asleep)  
  
Link: :D...  
  
Ganondorf: (On the ground, currently getting stabbed in the head with a pitchfork) Here (squints) oww! ...Take my horse (calls his horse...some...how...)  
  
Link: I don't want your fucking horse!!  
  
Loreille: Well, too bad (Pushes link onto it) aren't horses fun  
  
Link: ¬¬ why did you put so much armour onto it Ganondorf?  
  
Ganondorf: uh...urm...no comment.  
  
Link: (kicks the horse) MOVE YOU –  
  
Horse: [I dunno if it has a name and frankly I don't care] (runs off extremely fast)  
  
Loreille: (waves goodbye) weddings are so lovely!  
  
Ganondorf: (lying on floor with pitchfork daggered into his head) ¬¬Yeah, I can just hear wedding bells right now...  
  
Loreille: No, that's your skull cracking.  
  
Ganondorf: (twitches)  
  
- In Hyrule Castle  
  
[Strangely enough, the guards didn't seem to notice Link's rather strange attire]  
  
Link: (walks into the pitch black room) ZELDA! WHERE ARE YOU STUCK UP BITCH OF A – (bangs his head on her bed post) AHH! FUCK!!  
  
Girl's voice: Is that you Link?  
  
Link: What's it to you bitch?  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ (spying in from outside window and throws a rock at Link's unprotected head) Your supposed to be proposing you poor excuse for a garden gnome!  
  
Link: aiiiyeee...(staggers up to bed) marry me...  
  
- lights flash on  
  
Ganondorf: (stuffing his face with a pizza) That was convenient.  
  
Ruto: OFCOURSE MY ICKLE BABY LINKY!!! Hee, hee, hee  
  
Link: R-ruto!?  
  
Ruto: (Hugs him tightly then notices what he's wearing) :D...uh...I never knew you were a cross dresser Linky poo.  
  
Link: I AIN'T!!  
  
- Everyone looks at his outfit  
  
Everyone: ¬¬ rigghht...  
  
Loreille: (whispers to Ganondorf) That was a good plan, kidnapping Zelda then putting Ruto in her place Ganny, I think your IQ has improved by 1!!  
  
Ganondorf: ¬¬ oh hoorah.  
  
Loreille: But why did you swap them over Ganny?  
  
Ganondorf: Don't you see? If link gets married to Zelda, I'll be chased around by little Link clones for the rest of my life, but if he gets married to Ruto, I'll just get pelted by little fish babies...with...blonde hair! MWHAHAHA! This plan cannot fail!!  
  
Loreille: ¬¬ You haven't played the Windwaker game yet have you?  
  
Ganondorf: (sobs) Koume said it was too violent for me to handle...  
  
Loreille: oh geez...  
  
Ruto: (Grasps link's neck and starts shaking him) SO WE GET MARRIED THEN CROSSDRESSER!!!! YIIIPPEE!! --  
  
Link: Oo helppp meee...  
  
- Chapter 2 end -  
  
And so Link's dare has come to a close and now he's going to get married (fake tears) its all so beautiful!! Our lil link is all grown up and is going to be a father to fish babies!!  
  
Any who, its my dare next...(shiver) by the way I've been treating those two their not going to make it too nice I bet...  
  
Who came up with this stupid dare idea anyway!? (Flashback) oh yeah...me.  
  
Eh heh heh...Ok keep those reviews coming or I won't continue!! 


End file.
